On and off lately I've been so hurt by my brother. When we were younger we weren't close at all. As a matter of fact we were at each others throats a lot, literally. When I moved out and got my own place and grew up things changed. I wanted to be around him and appreciated him as my brother. When I was younger I NEVER hugged him and not too long after I moved out I gave him a hug and he gave me a hard time for it. That was just an example of close we weren't. 

Anyway, Im not really close to my mom either and because of that I feel like I grew of attachment to my brother. I think its because he's the only who knows where I come from and what I've been through. He's the only one I don't feel judged by or don't feel like I have to explain why I rarely talk to her. When people ask about her and I say im not really sure, people wonder "wow, how can you not talk to your mom?" It sucks because obviously I don't wanna tell them my whole life story. Well, since my attachment has grown stronger and stronger over the years especially since I gave birth to my beautiful son I've also grown sensitive to his actions. He doesn't always reply to my texts and i don't feel like he makes a great effort to keep me in his life or be in my sons life, which hurts greatly. My son has many uncles but my brother is the only uncle by blood. Out of my whole family he is the one person that I really truly care if he's in my sons life. 

I know he's busy, he's a guy, and he lives in Santa Cruz but I am the only family member he has this close and is somewhat normal. lol. I just thought we would be more of a priority. I've tried writing him an email expressing my feelings cuz me and him aren't good with emotions and things like this but nothing really changed. He said he was sorry and made one effort than that was it. I have never told him this but without him I feel alone. I feel alone because i don't feel I have anyone in my family. I would never tell him that because I feel like it would be too much pressure. I just want him there, not all the time or anything but on holidays, birthdays, and random days just to hang out. I want him to want to be around his nephew, his only sister,  only family member around, and only person who came from the same dysfunctional family. I feel like we get each other and understand why we are the way we are. I just don't want him to be yet another family member I have to give up on being in my life.